Welcome to A.S.S.G.O

I don’t really see myself as an ‘Agony Aunt’  - the word ‘Agony’ conjures up pictures of pain and suffering, and ‘Aunt’ reminds me that my nieces and nephews are all over 18 now and doing things that I too shouldn’t have been doing at their age, but was!  It forces me to reflect on the ‘Agonies’ of my own experience and the ageing process which seems to be racing at a much faster pace these days!!  ‘Someone to Listen’ is a much more appropriate description I think, but it doesn’t fit the accepted idea of someone who has the miracle cure for all pain and answers to every problem does it?

I certainly don’t perform ‘miracles’ and have never met anyone yet who has ‘the answers to every problem’ - however, as a 47 year old, lone parent of two children (both boys aged 9 and 12) I have bags of experience of ‘hard knocks’, some harder than others!  My 12 year old son is Asperger’s and, like others, every area of our life has been affected – GPs, Community Pediatricians, Educational Psychologists, Schools etc!  I’ve had good experiences with some, but harrowing experiences with others.  The single most important human response that I have cherished throughout the bad times (and good) has been somebody listening without judging.  

I have received loads of well meaning advice, some helpful and some not, I’ve had every ‘label’ (I hate labels) under the sun thrown at me ‘older mother’ (that one really made me cross), ‘over-protective’, ‘controlling’ to name but a few, and I’ve been ‘talked at’ by well-meaning people with no idea or understanding of the hurt they are inflicting, but in reality I was battling for my son to be recognized as having difficulties we were both unable to deal with effectively until a firm diagnosis was given (to satisfy others more than ourselves). 

Since the diagnosis (at aged 9) I have been reading anything and everything relating to Asperger’s and Autistic Spectrum Disorders to enable me to support both children, but more importantly – to encourage others to accept and understand our difficulties too.  Perhaps if I’d known about ASD years ago I would have recognized that my husband was an undiagnosed Aspie – and he wouldn’t have felt the need to estrange himself from myself and the children – who knows?

That’s why I offered to volunteer time to A.S.S.G.O – I can listen when maybe there is nobody else to listen, I can empathize - maybe through shared experience, I can understand the hurt, anger and frustration faced on a daily basis through ignorance and an inability to accept that people aren’t all the same – but deserve the same respect, support and rights as ‘everybody else’.  In return, I can learn.  I can gain greater knowledge and understanding of the difficulties facing Aspies, families and friends, and hopefully put this to good use one day – not only for my own family – but the wider family of ‘Aspies’ throughout the land.

“...It is far more gracious to listen than to talk...”

I don’t know who said it - but it worked for me.

Rowena